More in the Mirror

My Journey Beyond Anorexia to True Happiness

There was a time when my reflection dictated my worth. A time when numbers—on scales, tags, and calorie counts—spoke louder than my own voice. Anorexia isn’t just about food; it’s about control, fear, and a deep yearning to feel “enough.” But this is not a story about illness. This is a story about becoming whole again.

The Myth of One Perfect Shape

For years, I measured myself against impossible standards, shrinking my body to fit into an idea that never truly fit me because I had an allusion of "the perfect shape".

With growth and learning my perspective is shifting. Bodies are not static sculptures—they are living, changing, beautiful vessels that carry us through life’s messiness, joy, grief, and growth.

I’ve existed far longer than the day I was born. And I’ll continue to exist long after this particular body has done its work. What I call me—my essence, my awareness, my spark—has worn many forms and will wear many more. Right now, I happen to be experiencing life through this unique body: this beating heart, these legs that carry me, this skin that feels the sun.

When I stopped trying to sculpt myself into someone else in order to fit the idea of beautiful, I realized the real invitation of life isn’t to be admired—it’s to be present. To explore. To be curious about this form, this time, this version of me.

A Body in Motion, A Self in Evolution

My body has changed—and will keep changing. I have been small and soft, strong and tired, energetic and still. Each version has been valid. Each has carried me through different chapters with grace I didn’t always appreciate.

There is no final “ideal” to chase. There is only the opportunity to live in this body today. To honor what it’s doing, even when it’s not doing what you once demanded from it.

Your body is not a problem to fix. It’s a mystery to explore.

Where Real Happiness Lives

Happiness didn’t come when I hit a goal weight or fit into old jeans. It came in strange, beautiful places:
Laughing uncontrollably with people who don’t care what I look like.
Eating without guilt and letting food be celebration, not punishment.
Walking barefoot in the grass and remembering I am part of something ancient, wild, and wise.
Realizing I didn’t have to “deserve” rest, softness, or joy—they were always mine.

Curiosity Over Control

Recovery taught me to replace control with curiosity. To ask, What does my body want today? What does it need? What does it feel like to be alive in it right now, even just for this breath?

We are here to experience life—not manage it into perfection. We are here to feel, fall, get back up, grow, cry, laugh, and wonder. We are not here to take up less space. We are here to inhabit it.

Final Thoughts: You Are Here on Purpose

If you’re in the thick of it—if you’re fighting for peace with your body or your self—please know this: You are more than your reflection. More than your weight, your past, your fear. You are an eternal being having a very human moment. And that moment matters.

Let your body be what it is today. Let your soul be curious about it. Let yourself be amazed by your own resilience.

This body may not be forever—but you are.

And you’re here to live.

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